How would you like to really boost your weight loss motivation?…without really having to lose weight. Yesterday while stumbling around the internet like a drunken surfer I ran into this site: Weightview. I am so tempted to put my picture in and click “20 lbs lighter” however I don’t have a good full length picture of myself to get a truly excellent idea of how fantastic I’d look as a starved person. From now on I plan on taking nothing but full length pictures, running them through this sent-from-God site and then posting them on Facebook. Sure, thats me. Kodak is the best diet i ever went on.
Today while walking down the hallway of the school I work at I passed by this:
I can’t even imagine what it must be like to come to America from wherever–and have to take a class on how to like us. I should have put my ear against the door to listen to what they were saying. If I really wanted to mess with them I could have waited for the session to end and then done the opposite of all the important information they just learned. But I’m really not a mean person–I just like seeing the pot get stirred…not with innocent people though I suppose. I always feel especially bad for the lost international students who are so timid and slight, I want to help them but I also kind of want to tip them over, like sleeping cows. sigh. i’m sorry you read this.
As you all know–Sunday’s don’t bring out my inner spark. So I stole this blog idea from Ria.
Things I’ve done are highlighted in pretty colors.
Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Swam with wild dolphins
Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Been inside the Great Pyramid
Held a tarantula
Taken a candle lit bath
Said I love you and meant it
Hugged a Tree
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightening storm at sea
Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Touched an iceberg
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby’s diaper
Taken a drip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Asked out a stranger
Had a snowball fight
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Held a lamb
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a rollercoaster
Hit a home run
Danced like a fool, not caring who watched
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Actually felt happy about your life, even for a moment
Had two hard drives for your computer
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was too drunk
Had amazing Friends
Danced with a Stranger in a foreign country
Watched wild whales
Stolen a sign
Hitchhiked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Gone rock climbing
Midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Visited Ireland
Been heartbroken longer than you were in love
In a restaurant sat at a stranger’s table and ate with them
Visited Japan
Milked a cow
Alphabetized your CDs
Pretended to be a superhero
Sung karaoke (hate karaoke!)
Lounged around in bed all day
Posed nude in front of strangers
Gone scuba diving
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Played in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Toured ancient sites
Taken a martial arts class
Played a computer game for more than 6 hours straight
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Gone without food for 5 days
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Ridden a gondola in Venice
Gotten a tattoo
Rafted the Snake River
Been on television news program as an “expert”
Got flowers for no reason
Performed on a stage
Been to Las Vegas
Recorded music
Eaten shark
Had a one-night stand
Gone to Thailand
Bought a house
Been in a combat zone (if my divoce counts..or Gettysberg much after the fact..)
Buried one/both of your parents
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Performed in Rocky Horror
Raised Children
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Picked up and moved to another city
Walked on the Golden Gate Bridge
Sang loudly in the car and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
Had plastic surgery
Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have
Wrote articles for a large publication
Lost over 100 lbs
Held someone while they were having a flashback
Piloted an airplane
Petted a stingray
Broken someone’s heart
Helped an animal give birth
Won money on a TV game show
Broken a bone
Gone on an African safari
Had a body part below your neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
Eaten mushrooms gathered in the wild
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had a snake as a pet
Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Slept for more than 30 hours over 48 consecutive hours
Visited more foreign countries than US States
Visited all 7 continents
Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
Eaten Kangaroo meat
Eaten Sushi
Had your picture in the paper
Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
Gone back to school
Parasailed
Petted a cockroach
Eaten fried green tomatoes
Read the Illiad
Selected one important author who you missed school to read
Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Skipped all of your school reunions
Communicated with someone without sharing a common language
Been elected to public office
Written your own computer language
Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
Had to put someone you love in hospice care
Build your own PC from parts
Sold your own artwork to someone that didn’t know it was yours
Had a booth in a street fair
Dyed your hair
Been a DJ
Shaved your head
Caused a car accident
Saved someone’s life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY!
My friend is 29 today. She is very shy so I am not so post anything humiliating, funny, graphic, illicit or otherwise for the world to see. In fact, I’ve probably already said too much. So I’ll just go ahead with more. ah, on second thought, that could hurt me later.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, dude–this is what i got you.
Free and Flawed bestowed me with this bountiful award.
She made my day. Thanks, lady!
In typical award fashion–I’d like to pass this along to a few great bloggers.
& that’s the way life goes (she gives a lovely account of life in the real world)
Everyday Adventure of Me in the City (she has a busy life and blogs about the darnedest things and i know she already got one of these awards but … this is just how cool she is)
Sticks and Stones and Impatiens (he has very insightful humor–and not insightful humor too!)
Sunday’s feel like funeral days to me. they are mopey and dull and looming ahead of them is 5 days of living without saturday. Sunday is a day for mourning saturday. My sunday’s usually consist of trying not to waste the day counting down how many hours I have until work starts. depressing, huh? They are just so drab and although they make great lounging days there is a darkness to them–like sitting at a funeral and wishing it would get over so you can go eat and leave.
Usually my Sundays consist of:
1. sleeping until 11 and then feeling guilty b/c I didn’t get up earlier. I hate being unproductive. but seriously, if i were awake before 11 i’d just mope about listlessly.
2. laundry.
3. making a yummy meal. i view the sunday meal as sort of a death rowers last meal. only, if all goes well and I don’t expire at my place of work during the week, i get another last meal next sunday.
4. reading a book. and occasionally writing.
5. wincing every time i think of going to work
6. not getting dressed. I wear a white trash t-shirt that says, “What? I’m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want from me?” my boyfriend hates it and i can’t help but keep it around even though i hate it too.
7. staring off in oblivion. almost all sundays include some form of hangover. this hasn’t changed for about 8 years. 1/2 of sunday is a fuzzy headache and a blank, empty stare at the wall –this is actually in-depth contemplation of my station in life.
8. brain straining. thoughts like this: if i did just get up and leave could i honestly be a cleaning lady in hawaii? would hawaii piss me off just as much as this place? how come the US health care system is so SHITTY–why do i have to have a job in order to have health insurance? that is why so many americans stay in jobs they hate.
9. non-alcoholic calming. after the brain straining i have to come back to terms with being myself and going back to a predictable, unwelcome week of blah blah blah.
10. channel flipping. sitting in that part of sunday that falls before or after oblivious staring. usually falling on the food network and watching that annoying ass guy with the dyed blond hair… and ninja warrior.
that’s how my sunday goes. how do you spend your sunday?
In an act of girlfriend duty today I went to see the movie The Dark Knight. My boyfriend shook in pure excitement in his seat and he kept saying “this is going to be so bad ass”. I haven’t a clue what excited him so, the $10.75 for IMAX tickets, the $4.50 for a fountain soda or the fact that the people 2 seats away brought in their 6 month old baby–but he was all wound up for BATMAN. woowee.
I put my negative attitude intact and kept the eyeball rolling to an “only when something unbelievable happens” condition–it was a good pact with myself b/c there wasn’t any way possible I could have rolled my eyes for a straight 2.5 hours–15 minutes in and I was pass-out-dizzy, so I didn’t roll my eyes again. It reminded me of the time I played the Deadwood (western on HBO) drinking game. I was supposed to take a shot of whisky at every swear word–EPIC FAIL. When “fuck” is said as freely as “the” I couldn’t even lift the glass to my lips anymore. Much like my eyes were a pinball in my head when Batman turned cell phones into sonar machines or when he fell/jumped from a penthouse window to land on a taxi and leave A-OK. The taxi wasn’t as strong as Batman. It got a little … dented. But hey, when he showed that taxi who Batman was my IMAX seat shuddered, so everyone wins.
I actually managed to enjoy this grim tale. When Batman’s car self-destructed into a motorcycle that he blazed off into the Gotham underworld on–I felt justice well up in my eye. yeah bitches, thats right batman has a carcycle!! eat that.
Hello out there.
I was gone and now I’m back to the internets. Ignoring my blog was somewhat painful and ignoring all those blogs that I read every day was even more painful. I have so much to catch up on. I feel like I did in college when I missed a week and came back to stacks I never thought I could comprehend. It makes you want to quit. But quit I will not. Ahoy.
My parody of this silly, silly saga. I was reading along and had this nagging feeling that i could not ignore. I had to mock.
It is just another day in dreary, misty Cutlery County. I peeked out my little window. The earth was dark and squishy from constant rain and I thought to myself “that it is probably slippery”. I tended to fall down often because I have a psychological disorder that keeps me from having a brain. It’s called….something, I can’t remember but it is a very serious disorder and causes me to fall down stairs, run toward danger and realize way too late that I am doing something I shouldn’t be. This is how I met Deadward, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. Read the rest of this entry »
not for lack of inspiration have I not been blogging–there is almost too much to stop and think about. i’m almost afraid to stop and think about it. there has been some good, great even. there has been the muddle and then, of course, that broken bramble called Hell.
On June 9th, I went to the DMB concert. This year I stayed sober so as not to miss the concert by ambulance ride to ER. I’ve never been that girl before, I’m usually the drunk one that goes off to puke it off in the woods and come back for more. Not last year. A mix of 90 degrees, hours of tailgating on asphalt, beer, jungle juice, pot, xanax, no food or water and a medication that causes seizures fucked with me. Yeah, yeah, i deserved it. Luckily last years set list wasn’t this year’s. OH MY GOD.
having tickets that allow you to pass by 10 guards who each take a flashlight to the location line of the ticket, nod, and step aside to let you keep proceeding down the aisle TO THE 6TH ROW, is something I could learn to get used to.
Dave Matthews stood directly in front of me. I could practically smell his breath. Some deadbeats in Row 5 never showed so my 6th & center arrangement was sparse and loud. just the way i like it. I had to pee but every song that came on was too worthy. I finally had to bust to the bathroom when he started up Gravedigger. It was raining out. The day had a thick, humid gym towel around your neck feeling at about 93 degrees. the rain mixed with darkness and Dave’s knowing voice humming out “so that I can feel the rain” became one of those moments of peaceful content that come around about once a year, like Christmas or a Victoria’s Secret sale. Funny where these can strike–a line to the ladies room never made me so happy.
Today I am leaving for Pomona, CA., for a work conference. For 4 days I’ll be doing that, laptopless, and then I’m taking 6 days with a rented Focus to check out San Diego. Last night I packed for 3 hours. I’m scared that my suitcase will be very heavy and I’ll be charged an extra fee for its heft. Also, I’m scared that I don’t have enough. I don’t know how the hell to pack for this trip. It’s 73 in San Diego and hot as hell but work related in Pomona. Sigh.
I have to leave soon and i still have to pack my non clothes items. I just couldn’t go without telling you, my 5 readers, that I have not flown the coop entirely. Wish me luck in Cali.
4 girls congregate in circle, talking so that I can only hear S’s and T’s. They are all wearing a short jean skirt with a frilly tank top with mid-riff sweater. you know the sweater, you’ve all tried one on, took one look in the mirror and said “i look like an ass”.
well, they looked okay on these girls because these girls are shaped like hangers. hangers always have the greatest looking outfits.
they all giggle, coo, hair toss, tug at various sections of clothing and girl 1 walks away. girls 2, 3, 4 all wave and say goodbye as #1 goes out the door smiling.
2, 3, 4 rehuddle and laugh uncontrollably, I distinctly hear “skank” and “you’re way better looking than ….”and then they each take turns walking out the door mocking the way girl 1 walked out.
??????
